Just recently two things have struck me on the wall; firstly a predominance of posts about depression and secondly, within those posts, a recurring theme of people who  spend their lives helping others.

Whether that be in a professional capacity, in their private life or both does not matter, it's just the common thread of wanting to help and I've now seen it again in a TA from Calmpeace and it has set me thinking.

Is it common for those who suffer from depression to be people of a caring nature?

Are they people who would much rather do things for others than themselves?

Do they care more about other people's happines than their own to the point of missing out on what might be a far better life for themselves?

Do they appear, at least outwardly, to be calm and in control?

And now the crunch question: When they need help is it often the case that there is no-one there for them and that's when the dark clouds gather and the world closes in?

OK, I'm describing how things have been for me and that is really why, when I saw the same themes repeated in so many posts, that I thought this might be a topic worthy of discussion.

Over to you wallers.

Swon

Good morning Swon,

Thank you for your good wishes on the birth of my first granddaughter.  Her name is Lucy which I believe means light and that is really appropriate.  She is tiny but has brought an enormous ray of light into our lives. 

For what it's worth here is my observation regarding depression and the type of person prone to it.  I think certain people are capable of feeling other's pain and compassion, empathy, call what you will, is the overwhelming response. 

I have been fortunate to meet the Dali Lamma on two occasions and both times in his lecture or talk he urged his audience to reach out to one another for the good of mankind.  I am paraphrasing, but the gist was therein lay our own salvation (as human beings).  This struck a cord with me although I now realise that in my own case I had got things badly out of balance.  Last year I dashed from one family crises to another in the belief that love alone would make things right.  I neglected my own emotional needs and those closest to me in the process and have paid a high price.

Having said that, I am glad I am the person I am.  I cannot change completely for I think there is an unselfish gene which is inescapable and I have inherited it.  I am wise enough now though to temper my giving and I look after myself much more now.  I've grown to like myself too, and this is a nice place to inhabit.

 Still battle with the depression which is the flip side of this blessed characteristic.  I recognise kindred spirits on the Wall and am grateful for their company.

(For a self-styled unselfish person there are far too many I's in this post, but in the context perhaps I'll be forgiven!).

Wishing you the best. Darling.

Dear Darling, Congratulations on the birth of your grand daughter Lucy - yes it does mean Light and there is a great story about Santa Lucia who was a contemporary of St Vincent de Paul.  She was declared a madwoman for giving her dowry away to the poor - the action against her was taken by the man to whom she was promised I think.  I think it is a hoot of a story  should you wish to have a whizz around the web.

Thanks Swon,  

As for the TA subject - I have thought about the questions posed and don't beleive that I can see a single picture of people who get depressed.  In terms of people who are in occupations where they provide care though my work I know nurses generally have a greater tendency than other public servants and the population in general to suffer from depression, cancer and of course physical injuries from lifting.  (Aust stats of course)

So I don't know if it is a caring nature that this group has a individuals or more the lack of support for them in their occupations (I am still reeling from what calmpeace has described about being given warnings for being ill).  The lack of infrastructure, pressure of workload, unsociable working hours, and absence of dignity in the workplace perhaps have more to answer for this.

But the people I know who have dealt with depression in their lives aren't all caring in nature though I think anyone who has spent time in any sort of therapy seems to learn from the experience and may engage more with others.  And no, I don't think that I could say from the people I know that they care more for others happiness than their own.  There doesn't seem to be a neat stereotype amongst the people I know or who are public figures who are known.

Regarding the question about is there no one there for them/us - I know from experience that there other people who would provide support but I don't go to them and ask for it.  I think it comes from the state of depression that we feel alone and isolated and I don't think it is necessarily a fact - though it is possible of course- I suspect it is a mixed bag.    I think the dark clouds have rolled in before this is felt - could be wrong though. 

I suspect that we gather here on the Wall as a microcosm of the broader group who deals with depression and other worries and part of the core of what holds us together is availability of support and the opportunity to support.  I am not sure it is the "thing" for everyone who shares the experience of depression though.

Like the questions though - good TA Swon. 

Swon - I feel that you are right on several counts - that those who have been sufferers from depression can really empathise - and also that those of us who seek to assist and help others are sometimes folk trying to find purpose and validation and do so by holding out a hand to others.

As for your real question - who will help you? - I will gladly help you if I can.  You are my wall-brother and I will try to assist you - now; if you need help now, just ask, just say, or later on if you are talking about an unknown future - just open your heart here or in PM's, there are a lot of people who care for you, and would offer words and comfort, could they do so - and if we know what is wrong, or what you need. 

Jo   XXX