i moved out.

i moved back in.

and suddenly, my children are misbehaving left and right. my walls are covered in sharpie, crayon and magic markers (oh! can't forget the purple nail polish). my make up is gone and smeared on the carpets of their bedroom. i have no toothpaste. there's a giant bleach stain on the floor of my living room...

and the only thing i can think is: i should be a better parent than this.

i'm so utterly frustrated that i just want to quit. i know i can't, i gave birth to them, but i really just want to sit in the middle of the floor and stare blankly off into space. this is not how i imagined my life. this is not how i wanted my children to act. i know they're young, but three months ago they were very different. i'm at my end. i just want to tie a noose and let it go that way... i don't fkkng know anymore.

my marriage is saved.

my kids are not.

 and i'm getting crazier each day.

Hi thrash, 

You have a plateful at the moment eh?  Maybe leave the house and take your kids to a playground and let them run it right out of their system - better hope you have a playground which is fenced - they sound as if they can move quickly.

What ever is happening at the moment - sounds like you have been here before - I am sending you hugs and love.

Is there anything else we can do?  UM xx 

Hey thrash, you sound so immediately desperate  I felt I had to respond. For all the sxxx I am sometimes feeling your post reminds me that my time and space is at least my own.

I know little about kids but your post does remind me of a dinner party I went to years ago. The two kids of the host were playing up upstairs and no one could relax or enjoy themselves. Fool that I am I thought I knew better than the innatentive mother and tried to have strict words with them. Nightmare. There was I thinking I was talking to 2 rational beings of the same species who would respond somehow to reason. If we could have spread them both on toast I think we all would have!! So I imagine many parents, and kids, have the same difficulties. It is not necessarily a comment on your parenting skills.

As it is and for the record both of those kids are now fabulous young adults, Both with University Degrees. They are the kindest, most considerate youngsters you could meet. It's just that when I hear of them these days I always go back to that nightmare party so many years ago.

Maybe not helping you much in the hear and now I know. Going back to my original point. It sounds like you need some time and space for yourself. Any chance of sorting that without worrying who is going to spoil the younguns in your absence. Not easy I am sure.

Hope things can improve for you

summer

though understand I know bXXXXX all about kids

i can really relate to your original post...in fact this morning on my way back from the shop i vaguely remembered a dream i had last night about being completely overjoyed that my parentning days are almost over...(youngest is 17 1/2) but really i'll never stop being a mom...still get urgent calls from the 27 and 24 year olds!!

i also went through a very loooong separation and divorce during the very important years of their childhoods...ex and i lived separated and got back together at least 3 times over 5 years and i feel in retrospect that was my biggest mistake. i feel that my kids sensed my weakness and saw me as my ex's doormat. when in fact i was just trying to keep our family together.

when i finally did end the marraige i went to great lengths to gain control of "our" life....meaning me and the kids. i regained my self respect, got organized, took us on a few holidays and generally became The Mom again.

if you are going to stay married, i would suggest that you and your husband support each other in taking control and being the parents. not in a mean, authoritarian way, just in being united, leadership way. kids crave a secure, safe place.....

best wishes...BTW my kids have turned out great! a little bruised and battered like the rest of us but strong, confident, independent

in theory, alba, i'd say you were right.

except...you're not. five years ago, when i got pregnant with my daughter, i made a decision to leave any workforce (and hope of maintaining my life without freaking out) and be a mother. i wanted my child to know who i was, i wanted to know who she was. i made the same choice when her brother came along. so it isn't lack of attention. what it's come down to, now that things have keeled out and i can see clearly again is they're bored. the summer months are too hot for them to just go out and play (plus its far too difficult for me alone to keep track of both of them at a park) and now it's rainy and damp all of the time (hello winter!!). so they're bored. my daughter started school so she's less likely to act out and more likely to throw temper tantrums over going to bed at a decent hour. and since she's gone for three hours a day, my son has evened out in his temperment, too.

for the rest of you-- thank you so much for the support.  it was a really slakdjf difficult time and so far, we're getting through it.:) yay happy ending!!

heyyyy ,  i know it was a really hardtime for you , so u zoned out , but the kids will be okay once theyre used to discipline , your daughter may know better , but she is 4 , im not being judgemental when i say that  you knew u shd hv not let ur kids ur kids be all crazy , but u werent in any shape to cope n that fine , she may know better but so wat? we dont always do wat were supp to . i hope things get better for both of you ,.

 you made the decision to save your marriage , thats phenomenal dont let any thing  make you lose sight of that . everything will evntualy fall into place .

huggssss