I've recently gone through a series of traumatic events and although I'm doing better, I'm not at my best.  I'm returning to work next month and I'm very nervous about getting into the swing of things.  I have a friend whose partner just left and they will be filing for a divorce.  I'm her primary go to person but I'm worried about protecting myself (for the first time in my life).

 How do I support her through this difficult time while at the same time keeping myself afloat?  I have project deadlines, teaching, a relationship, etc.   

Hello CandyCane and welcome,

It seems that you are very aware of your own limitations with regard to how much help you will be able to give, both in time and emotionaly. That is good because a great danger when we feel we want / need to help others is that we literaly take on too much and ignore our own needs.

I sense you are a helping. caring person and all credit to you for that, but, considering you've just been through your own trauma, you do need make it clear to your friend that you will support and help her but only within agreed boundaries.

That sounds terribly business-like and I apologise for that but I can't think of a clearer way to express it.

I hope both you and your friend are soon feeling much better.

Take care,

swon

Hello CandyCane, you have had great advice here about how to talk to your friend... I just wanted to ask, putting your friend in need to one side, how about you? What would make you feel better about what you are going though?

Wx