Hi Overseas,  

I guess each one of us has their own definition of what friendship is or should be. For me I think it is when you begin to connect with someone on an almost sub-conscious level such that each knows almost instinctively what the other needs and is thinking.

There is also the mutual assurance that you have someone you can trust and rely on no matter what.

Friendship cannot be bought or bargained for, it develops over time and should withstand everything that life can throw at it. Of course there will be times when you fail to agree, even argue, but eventually differences will be forgotten or just accepted. Ultimately a friend is someone who will always be there for you no matter what and will love you and forgive you even when you are a complete and total a***hole.

I've discovered very recently, and after 38 years, that my best friend is my wife.

As to when an aquaintance or colleague becomes a friend? It is probably best judged by how the relationship lasts once the environment in which you met changes. For example, I have worked in the same company for 40 years and have worked off and on with some of the same people for nearly all of that time, I really only have one I would call a friend though. (Maybe that says something about me, I don't know).

The thing is, we all talk about 'friends at work' but the truth is that 99% of the time, although we all get on well, the only thing we really have in common is we work in the same place and I think it is quite hard for true friendship to grow in a work environment. Most times if you take that common environment away then few friendships last long.

Great subject, take care,

Swon

Friendship - what it is .... goodness it seems to be a label that changes depending on a range of things.  When I was young everyone I knew was a friend - well I lived in a couple of really tiny towns and it was only a couple of families that seemed to not be friendly and it was only much later in life that I understood the reason.

The older I got I became aware that I was quite friendly towards people but not someone who would trust or risk my self too much with friends and so I was clear about having one or two friends and lots of acquaintances. At that time, I can remember being invited out and about and groaning within about feeling that teenage pressure to go and yet not want to.  The most stress in my life was always from my mother who challenged me with great gems like "well I always wanted to go out at your age and I never had the chance - I don't know why you are so ungrateful"  On my 18th birthday having decided I did not want a family gathering, about 30 of my classmates turned up on the door for a surprise party - I hated it though I never showed it and when I really that my mother and father were part of the conspiracy I was quite gutted.

I guess it means that I really go out of my way much in the name of friendship - there has to be a really strong connection for me with the person - otherwise I just feel like I am going to work.  As an adult I have a few people that I am very very close to - though I seem to know lots of people and have good social skills.  It's just I don't want to feel like it is all work.  I hope this doesn't sound mean or selfish - I don't know but I am just inclined to acquire friends - but having gained one I don't lose them and work hard to maintain the friendship.  So I guess the people for me that are closest to me are those that I am prepared to work hard to maintain a friendship.  They are often different to me in many ways - but there are strong common bonds.  They are precious and they are so important to me being here in reasonable shape.

One of my younger acquaintances who has since become a very dear friend challenged me directly during a very tough time in my life shortly after my husband was diagnosed with the words "you are such a good friend to me but you never ever let me be a friend to you!"

I hadn't been confronted in this way before and it got the reaction that I guess that my friend was  loooking for.  Well there you go - I do call her a friend.

Don't know if this adds m uch but it makes me think.  UM xx