I was browsing The Wall and came across a brick with an interesting story, so with benn's permission, I am sharing it here. I am sure you will want to offer your insight and support.....

"All my life I have made poor choices in relationships.

My first marriage ended because I realized that at some point I had succomed to peer pressure and married because everyone else was doing it. Next I had a series of men who, at the time, I thought each one was "the one."

Then I decided not to date and I ended up meeting someone who really cared for me. I screwed that up because I thought I was bored and someone else was trying really hard to get my attention. I ended up making that person my second husband. This man admitted that I was a challange that he conquered and left me for someone else four months after we were married.

I have now lost the opportunity to have a child as I'm getting older and there are some medical problems due to the stress from the second divorce. (Age also plays a factor)You'd think I would have learned, but I didn't.

I am now involved with an alcoholic. I have been with him for five years and I know I should leave him. He has a daughter who is 15 and I love her dearly. I also love him but I don't believe him anymore when he tells me he will quit drinking. There are so many problems with an alcoholic, no trust, no reliability, no responsibility. I used to admire the way he raised his daughter, his faith in his religion, but that has all changed and I pity him.

I am finacially capable of making a go of it on my own, I'm a professional with a really good job. I have a few close friends who are willing to help me through all of this but I just can't seem to take the leap. My fears are of losing touch with his daughter (which will for sure happen) and being alone. Right now, he and I work opposite shifts, spending time with each other only on the weekends and we have his daughter on a 50/50 split. So its almost as if I'm a single mother as I take care of her needs while he's sleeping and he goes to the bars during the day while I'm at work. He recently got an OWI so he says he's done with alcohol but I have heard this story many times in the past.

I feel like I'm frozen, unable to make a plan or decision on my own. Any advice?"

I hope you don't mind me saying, but I have a couple of friends that are alcoholics or in and out of AA and I think you need to get away from him. Let him deal with things with no distractions. It's only when he gets to the bottom that he will pull himself out of the hole.

Stay in touch with the daughter. She can always run to you if things don't go so well.

Just do what is right for yourself.

hiya Benn, I've not seen you 'round these parts before.. so welcome!

What do you think you need to make the move? You say your greatest fear is ending up old and alone, but isn't it possible that in staying with an alcoholic that is what will happen anyway? It sounds like your only tie to him is his daughter, and as has already been pointed out, she is old enough to maintain contact with you should she choose.

Your post seems to focus a lot on the relationships you have been in, but less on other areas of your life. Do you for example have a friend you could stay with if you did leave? What practical planning can you do now so that it is easier to visualise making the move? Sometimes just working that out might help to alleviate the paralysis, dont think in terms of 'I am leaving' yet, but more ' if I was to leave, how would I do it'...

want to give it a go?? 

Roze, Thanks for your reply.  To be honest, it is really easy to say that I have a plan.  The problem is actually putting that plan into action.  I realize what it will cost me (loss of the things and people in my life that are here now) and I think I am O.K. with that.  I don't know if I can actually do it though.  I keep bouncing back and forth about finalizing my decision.  I am feeling weak.