Hello everyone!

I have a friend who recently has gone through a lot of changes in life and is under alot of stress. Her grandmother died last year, she has a new job, and her parents (who she still lives with) are separating.  

It seems that what seemed to be just little personality dramatics months ago have actually become full out emotional delusions.  Recently she has lost all control of her emotions, and her thoughts are very disconnected.  She has written me a couple of emails that made almost no sense... despite the fact that we are long time friends who have always been able to understand each other.  

Recently she has also become intensly defensive- which caused me to struggle to know how to say anything to her. She also is obsessed with the statement "I have grown up" or "I have matured" which at first seemed a good thing... but has actually been causing her to feel separate from most of her friends, including me. She says it over and over again, also retelling her life stories over and over again in order to explain things unconnected. 

Anyways I'm not going to go into much detail because when I do this post gets too long.  Basically though, I am worried that she is loosing touch with reality. I am really worried actually.

I live on the other side of the country from her. I do not know what to do, and wonder if anyone has advice on this type of situation?

I have already made sure to tell her very clearly how much I love and support her and that I am here for her. 

I suppose that I will just let it play out a little longer... and hope that things start to calm down. But honestly that is what I've been thinking for quite some time when I look back on it.  Its like I can see a sort of procession leading up to this moment... things have just gotten worse and worse. 

Does anyone have any advice on how to approach a friend that needs help? 

There is also a slight problem in that recently she does not listen to anything I say and has become very defensive (as mentioned), even when not being attacked. I mean even when not even being talked about. I can be talking about me and the next thing I know she is defending herself. It is really a delicate matter.  

Also, I am having a really hard time with this. What I am convinced are her delusions have really hurt me. I would much like to write her a very angry email, but am more concerned actually.  Anyways as things are going, she cannot understand me nor I her. Any support/advice is greatly appreciated!

-Kt 

Hi freebird and welcome. Your concern for your friend is very touching. I hope you are able to be there for her even though it sounds as though  you are experiencing considerable  stress in dealing  with the situation. Sometimes people feeling  deep pain and confusion do lose touch with reality as you have noticed .I think it's an attempt to escape and recreate another more acceptable  reality. The need to say that she is 'grown ' and mature could be her way of trying to convince in mantra form what she wishes for  so desperately- to be in control of the situation .

 As for the repetion of her 'story'  over and over this  could be her way of trying to make sense of the narrative and an expression of her need  for others to affirm  her understanding of it. What ever the reason it requires great patience .

I can only suggest that you put it to her that she may find  grief couselling of help in  dealing with  her grandmother's death.

 She would I  imagine also be grieving for her parents marriage breakdown and the life she knew before the breakup. This will all take time for her to process , accept and adjust to and with the help of patient friends and some good counselling she should come through .

Hope this is  of some help. Cate xx