I can't say darkfury that I know what you should do but I do know that starting off a TA is a good way of getting some ideas and having a connection with others - so many of whom have shared that same experience. 

At one stage, before I knew the Wall existed, I found that having a varied routine with a whole range of do and don'ts helped me.  I had to really cut down on the coffee and the smokes - wasn't allowed to read more than one newspaper a day - and watch no news on a screen ( world events and current affairs just made me nose dive) - had a routine of meditation 3 times a day - walked twice but I had to cut out walking around in the middle of the night as it was possibly not safe (that was hard).  I just had to create a kind of structure to my day that limited things that tended to trigger a negative reaction and hang in with things that soothed me or just kept me moving.  I can't say I recall this with any pleasure what so ever but I think it worked in terms of hanging in.  I also had to be very conscious of who I was around in times when conversation was in free flow - some of my workmates were like black holes in space for me then and without any intention on their part would have me feeling like my spirit was being sucked away.  The imagery in the Harry Potter books of the Dementors reasonated strongly with me when I first read of them.

I guess everyone might have their own tips and tricks for surviving the worst of it.  I now know that it is less overwhelming to have the support on the Wall if for no other reason than to know that really we are not alone in what we face there are many of us who struggle with our mood.

Good to meet you here.  Try to have a go and explain what is happening behind this mood - there's something about seeing feelings written into words that seems to help too!

UMx 

i think i started becoming depressed when i was younger i was bullied in school and that got me really down

these days i find it hard to talk to people and make new friends as i think they'll judge me before they get to know me. its like when i go out i keep thinkin in my head people are laughin at me and sayin nasty things

Hi Darkfury and welcome.

Rest assured that no-one here will think nasty things about you or laugh at what you say, we may not agree with what everyone else says but that's life, everyone has an opinion which they are entitled to express, with the one overriding rule that we don't judge or cause offence - at least not intentionally - and it seems to work in a self-policing kind of way.

This site exists because there is a need for people like yourself to have a safe, anonymous outlet for their emotions, most of us found our way here because of that need and now most of us remain because it's a nice place to be - a community someone once called it.

You might not always find answers, or maybe you will find answers you didn't want but there will always be someone to listen.

So, am I right in thinking that because you were bullied at school you now feel insecure, especially in interpersonal relationships?  I think I can understand how that could happen. Or is there something else that is worrying you?

If it's just about meeting people (and this is going sound blindingly obvious) then can I suggest that you look around for people with similar interests to your own and maybe join a club, you obviously have internet access so you can start there to see what might be available.

Alternatively, do you maybe have friend, who might be slightly more outgoing than yourself, with whom you could go out to social events?

Without knowing a bit more about you; how old you are, where you live and importantly, any more detail about why you feel the way you do, we can't really offer anything more than very general advice. So, feel free to come back and 'unload' at any time.

Take care.

Hello DarkFurry

I was also bullied at school, and I have also been witness to pretty ugly bullying in the workplace, so I am afraid that bullies tend to be found everywhere, not just in the playground. The problem with bullying with children is that it is often hard for them to 'get over it' - especially if it was emotional bullying which can really dent your confidence.

Depression aside, I wonder if there is anything you can do to try and counter the affects this bullying has had on you. SOmething that is going to give you back your confidence like acting classes or confidence building workshops? It sounds like you are suffering low self esteem - I wonder what you can do to remind yourself what a great human being you are?

SU x