Hi UM,

No doubt what I'm about to say will not go down well with everyone but, hey ho here we go.

The UK has tightened up in recent years under pressure from the politically correct brigade who seem to think that any form of smacking is bordering on child abuse and that the answer is to take the little darlings aside, sit them on the naughty step and read them philosophy. This has followed on the heels of an almost total removal of meaningful discipline from schools.

And has child behaviour improved since we stopped traumatising them by daring to tell them off and actualy punish them?  Has it hell !

Every week in the UK we hear of at least one kid being stabbed or shot, kids talk of 'respec' but have no understanding of what it really means and they openly laugh at authority because they are almost powerless to do anything about it.

OK, as with most things I'm talking about the minority but it's a minority which is fast becoming dangerous because they appear to have no concept of right and wrong. Lack of discipline has to be a major factor in that and since it's been removed from schools and now parents, where will they get it?

I've wandered a bit off subject there so back to the original point, I see no harm in a little slap to the back of the legs as a short sharp indication that they have gone just that bit too far but with both of my boys I found that a raised voice or sometimes even just a look was enough to stop them most of the time.

Obviously beating children with a belt across the bum or anywhere else isn't right but what everyone overlooks when they introduce legislation like this is that there is a percentage of the population who, regardless of the laws, will carry on beating thier kids just as others will continue to be racist or drink and drive - those are the ones that the children really need protecting from but they don't give a stuff anyway.

I am really against smacking. I think parents can and should find more controlled ways to discipline their children without raising a hand ot them. Even if it is just a light 'tap' I cant help but think that it teaches children that violence is OK.

I would be really disapointed with myself if I ever smacked a child as it would mean I had run out of options. Having watched SuperNanny, and some of the monsters she has managed to control, I think there are other options.

SK x 

Hi BB,

Now I'm certain that you know I have no wish to get in to an argument with you and for the most part I agree with what you said; if you read my original post, you will see that I too usualy got results with just a word or a look.

However, with regard to orders which can be enforced, e.g 'sit down', please explain how you handle the situation where the child will not sit down regardless of how often you say it, or sits down and then stands up as soon as you turn your back. From experience adults tire of this long before the kids do. Do you just move on to another order ar start a list of threatened actions?

Of course you might well say that eventually your order was always obeyed, but, maybe to help others who might read this, let's assume for one moment that everything you said or threatened was totally ignored - how then does this situation get resolved?

Again, I'm not after an argument, or even a long debate but I would just like to understand the end to end solution.

I'm interested in that some people try to justify the use of smacking in the belief that it keeps their children safe. 'He tried to put the screw driver in the power point' or touch the hot object' . The parent who teaches a young child to  freeze on the brink of  danger by  communicating huge alarm through the tone in the voice is more effective in preventing disaster . Shouting stop  in this manner  works when you can't physically reach the child   To follow up with smacking the child for placing itself in a dangerous situation is wrong not to say counterproductive . If this pattern of parenting continues  the  child will  eventually lose  respect and learn to believe that violence is acceptable .It is those parents who have little imagination or skill in handling their children differently to the way they were raised that pose a problem to society. Violence begets violence Any form of physically abuse is wrong especially when it's used against the most vulnerable . Those who blame today's social woes   on poor parenting are in part correct . But to say it is because parents are 'soft' on their children have got it wrong ( sorry S1 )  Cate xx

PS I am beginning to believe that New Zealand has the most progressive and enlightened legislators on this planet !

Smacking children is not an option for me. There is no golden rule for how to move on from stuck positions - that cycle of do this - refusal - do this - refusal.... I find quietening my voice is often more effective than shouting although i have been known to do that - usually shocks both me and my child out of the situation. Silence combined with a look is usually pretty effective too.

Sometimes i just walk away - feigned indifference can have good results on 'compliance'. There is a bit of an art too in knowing when to push something and when just to let it go. Once when my kid was having a tantrum on the floor of a shoe shop - you know those situations where everyone is looking at you like you are an axe murderer - i got down on the floor and had a tantrum too. She stopped immediately - so did everyone else in the shop - but hey nothing like a mirror to help you see what you look like. I can no longer buy shoes there, of course...