Hello Ayesha and welcome.

I don't think you should feel guilty about the way you feel because, right or wrong, it's a perfectly natural emotion. You don't give any clues as to your age but I guess you aren't too old and maybe feel your life has to be put on hold indefinitely.

The fact that it upsets you to think like that at all says to me that you are a kind and caring person; otherwise you would just hand over responsibility to someone else and walk away.

So, what to do? Well we don't at the moment know where you are but as sleepysky said, in the UK there is a lot of help available for people who have to care for dependent relatives, your citizens advice bureau (or equivalent) should be able to advise you. Come to that, so should your doctor or health centre.

Also, and this may not be a possibility, if your parents have a property, could they sell it and move into some form of sheltered accomodation where they could be cared for by professionals.

I'm sure there are many other ways of providing the care that your parents need without putting your entire life on hold but also without feeling you have abandoned them.

Do continue to come back here, just to rant if you want to - no-one will mind, and please let us know how you get on.

Take care.

Hi Ayesha. and  welcome. I wonder if there is anything harder than being a carer for dependent loved ones.  There are the emotional and physical demands  as well as finacial. Thousands of children here in Australia are also in a situation where parents are dependent on them. They struggle with a school load,social pressures and the constant pressure  of having roles reversed . Life can be so cruel and difficult. 

I hope you are able to find some support from a group in your area and of course stay in touch with us and become part of the community here.

 Hugs ,Cate xx

The internet really is a tremendous help in accessing information. I have looked at groups for carers, but have not got around to contacting anyone. I think it is the feeling of being totally alone sometimes, you don't feel like burdening others with yr problems. At one point when I was feeling very low I thought about the Samaritians. With people living much longer now it is going affect most peoples lives, having parents to care for. But I know from my experiences I would not like my children to have to look after me, I know how my feelings have changed towards my parents and I don't want my children to feel the way I do at times. If a person has their health in old age then its fine, but to not have any quality of life is what is so awful and very sad to see. Thank you for the support of those who responded to my first post.

My son lives away, my daughter is at home temporarily while she looks for a place to buy, she works and come back quite late,so really we don't see her very often. When my mother goes to the day centre it does mean that my father also gets time to do what he wants without having to worry about mum. I do voluntary work once a week, teaching computer to older learners in an 'active age centre', which i enjoy. But the hardest thing is everyday seeing my mother and how she does not really have any quality to her life as she cannot move around very easily without fear of falling, she can't cook,can't pop to the shops, in fact her life is very restricted.She gets depressed which I can understand. She cries as she says 'why does she have to be like this?'She is being treated for depression but it is a slow process. At times I get very weary of the situation esp that my mother and father are totally dependent on me to look after them, cook, be around and there seems no way out.

Hello UM, thanks for thinking of me. Things are much the same. Some days I cope better, other days not so well. But I try not to let my parents catch my mood. My mother had a fall last eve so she is feeling a bit unsteady and down today. I took her out to the supermarket today, for cat food, in her wheelchair. That would be funny if it was me you saw...

She goes to a new centre for therapy to help with her depression twice a week now so that means she has a change of scene and also that I have free time...and it is lovely especially if my father goes out and I have the house to myself, it is such a sense of freedom for those few hours. I do find that I look forward to bedtime the most as once she and my father are in bed some tension is lifted for a few hours.

anyway thank you again for yr kind post.