I have come to realise over recent months that my life is really a waste of time. I have everything that I could materially want and yet I feel so empty inside. I seem to attract the wrong type of girl (they are all too young and too naive), I can't seem to develop strong ties with friends (I don't have the time to spend with them) and I have lost my drive outside the office. I could never have imagined that it would turn out this way.

I feel the same way - Onlyme- I often wonder what is the point of the time between birth and death. 

I feel like this when I am low and depressed and when I am not.  I know that things and people can't make me happy and I know longer seek these out.  I work on what is inside me and try to build happiness from within.  I meditate often - sometimes for three times a day for 30 minutes.  I have taken a different approach in the way I live and live slowly so that I can have time to appreciate what I have rushed past in my life.  I still find the sense of life a challenge but it seems more manageable since I have adjusted my expectations.  More. 

HIya aajstephan - welcome to Big White Wall, I dont think I have seen you round these parts before..

Great advice too - I often find that doing something for someone else and taking the focus away from the 'self' helps you put some perspective in your life. 

How are you feeling today onlyme? 

Hello onlyme,

No it doesn't have to be this way.  But it might be time to look for other work opportunities that allows you to have a balance in your life that does allow you to have some control over your life.  

And it doesn't  sound like you are enjoying that  job and the travel demands any more.  maybe a change will give you more time for yourself and let you feel better about life in general?

UM xx

Onlyme,

I was like that before I wetn O/S.  I wrote a song called Road to nowhere.  Want to show you something interesting because this song took a year to write.

"On a road to nowhere, I want to see the world, Had enough of this 9 to 5 work, My destination ready to unfold" -  planning my trip

"Was on a road to nothingness, lacked the passion to see the world, In my own mind Ive given up on my dreams, No way out im breaking at the seams" - distress, lost, non motivated, knowing a relationship would break if I took the trip

"Am on the road to somewhere new, I took the flight went to another world, I saw my life behind me, I felt releif in knowing I was free" - got on the plane, found something missing from my life, mainly knowing who I was, what I wanted, why I was living the way I did. 

 Thats not the whole song, just the intro to the 3 verses.  Its interesting that I could never sit down and write that song in 1 go.  Its not one of my fav songs ive written but thought it was kind of valid to your post.

Sometimes we need to get away from our daily routine and see something totally different to get an understanding. 

If you have everything, but nothing, then you have nothing that you need to keep. 

If you don't have a family to support, then you can change everything you do, now, and walk away from what you do.  Sell up, chuck the job, and go and work in a park in Alaska.  Or wherever.  You are a banker?  Maybe you can go into one of the third world countries and teach finance, or help people to manage their own village banks. 

Go on a retreat somewhere really isolated.  Go on a farm-work holiday - get really physically involved in something. 

If you are so unhappy, it only depends on the ties you have, whether or not you can just up sticks and go.  Go and work as a helper at guide dogs for the blind, anything.  Find a focus.  Ask for help, ask friends, ask family, seek on the internet - [take care not to get sucked into something bad there, though].

Maybe do a Forrest Gump, and walk the country.  You recognise that you are desperately unhappy - no-one of us can heal that for you, but there are a lot of people thinking of you , obviously, and wishing you well.  Take heart, and see what you can do.

Jo

Why would they think that?  If you are really there to help, then you will be pitching in and working just like everybody else. 

I would not tell them that I were rich, if I were you - that is your business.

Good luck, take care!

Jomo

Hey Onlyme,

So are you thinking of volunteering for a short or long period?

I don't think that people will think you are looking down on them unless you behave that way.  I think people will just see what you let them see.

It's a great thing that you are going to do - I think kids who have been orphaned need all the hope they can get in adults - and the experience will be two way too I am sure - you will get lots out of it too:) 

UM xx