So I had lunch with my mum on saturday and I specifically wanted to make sure that by the end of it she knew how much I loved her and how grateful I am to her. When I was telling her these things (while blubbing into my wine glass!) however I realised that I hadn't really said all of this for many years, and everything came out in a sort of clumsy blurt-out...It was really lovely to be able to say all this, even if it did feel a little clumsy, and I know she really apprecaited it.

I realised it is easy to tell people you love them in a 'luv you' flippant kind of way, but sitting someone down, looking them in the eye and really expressing how you feel about them seems, to me, a little harder.

I wonder if anyone else has this, and when was the last time you sat someone down and really told them how you felt about them

Hope you all had lovely weekends

Zx 

Well Zorro this is an interesting question to reflect on.  It might have felt like a blurt to you but I bet your mum was really touched by your expression of love.

These days, I don't have much of an issue in being able to express love for someone - it is the opposite of the scale to talking about how I feel if I am depressed and feeling sad - I can't express that well - at all in my real life.  When I was about 15 my godmother died suddenly and as we lived a day's drive away my parents decided to not go to the funeral - I was really broken hearted as I absolutely loved this woman in so many ways but felt that I was robbed of the opportunity to express how I felt about her while she was alive.  Letters exchanged between us always ended with an expression of love but I never managed more than that.

By the time I was 21 my dad was dying of cancer and I wasn't letting this go without making sure he knew how I felt and I remember writing it all out and reworking it until I could say it to myself without choking on that awful lump in the throat that comes with the pain of sadness.  My poor dad got quite a formal statement almost a submission and a couple of looks of "Don't interrupt - I haven't finished.."  His response was far more gentle and reflective - without the urgency of feeling like he had to say it all - which of course I felt very strongly.  

More experiences of losing friends to cancer plus my mum's death has given me lots of practice but I am also more likely to just tell friends how important they are and what their presence means to me in my life. I was lucky enough to tell one of my dearest friends this today - within the hearing of a couple of our friends who are maritime workers who looked on with great interest - each with their head cocked to one side.  No it is not normal behaviour amongst the majority of people in our field of  work.

I think it is like most things in life - those things that we practice and do over and over come more easily as we feel more confident and more certain of the words we choose.  I think it is important to express this feeling of love as it feels natural to do.  Amidst all of the other types of communication that we are bombarded with, expressions of love are those that really lift the spirits.  Giving can sometimes be a drain but expressing love seems to bring with it something that returns a feeling of lightness in the heart.

I saw this TA and just had to add something. I am really bad at telling people really how much I love them and I don't know why it is. Why do i get a tightened throat and an inability to speak when I just want to tell them how I feel.