Hm sparkey, the word that stands out in your post  for me is obsession. What do you feel this man is offering that you do not have in your life - that is so important to you?

I know this may be the last thing you want to hear but do you feel you can take some space from this? Perhaps you have been missing something in your life? Perhaps you are not sure who you are any more? Perhaps this man is the person that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with? WHo knows - i guess only you in time.

Obsession can tend to be living your life through, and dependent on, another rather than with, and alongside, them. Not a great place to be. It may be quite dangerous to lose yourself in someone to the extent that you lose sight of who you are. Can you breathe a moment. Let him go for a while. Sort out what all this means for you? Hugs roze

Hi Sparkey

Effects of continuing with dangerous longings could be:

1. Destroy a good friendship, hurt a friend, lose the respect of man inlolved
2. Ruin a friendship, hurt a friend, ruin a marriage, gain  someone you could never trust not to leave you for the next person who comes along who fancies him, and (hopefully) have a lot of guilt to deal with,  and also totally trash your reputation

Do you think it could ever be ok.? Can you see that to do anything to try to attract him is an act of agression on your friend.  He isn't yours to have and nothing could will ever give you the right to try to attract him. I say leave them be, and do yourself a favour and stop trying to affect and manilulaute things by planning to be where he is. You are  in dangerous waters and you need to swin ashore and dry off. Maybe find a counsellor to talk to to help you not repeat this dangerous behaviour.  You would not expect or like your friend to treat you this way.

 Please stop it: could you try to control your obessive thoughts by distracting yourself  by  doing things away from the couple. Tryng to steal / stealing a friend's partner will never make you happy.

xH

Hi Sparkey,

There cannot be many of us who have not at some time, desired, fancied or just plain lusted after, the partner of a friend.

Usually, after a few months and a couple of cold showers it all goes away so my advice would be, do nothing, even if he shows out to you, because in situations like this one or more or everyone is bound to get hurt and it will, as the saying goes, 'all end in tears'.

Take care.

Hi Sparkey,

Ask yourself a few questions:

Why did he text you? Is it because he he just as obsessed with you and he wants to be with you for the rest of his life, or he's noticed the way you look at him and maybe just fancies a one-nighter?

 Does he not love his wife anymore, or does he just want some excitement?

 What would he say to his wife if the two of you had a fling and she found out?

 And what would you say to her?

No-one here, least of all me, is going to criticise or judge you - it's not that sort of site, you are presumably a grown up and you are willing to take responsibility for your actions.

All I would say is think very long and very hard before going anywhere with this because, as I said before, things like this almost always end in people getting hurt and one of those people might well be you.

Take care

So I met up with my friend's husband yesterday evening and what a surprise. It turns out he thinks his wife is having an affair and wanted to talk to me about it. to see if I know anything and to ask what he should do.

I don't know naything but that doesn't surprise me. what to do now? I still think he is the most gorgeous human being ever. 

Hello sparkie, what a tricky situation you have got yourself in to and i hope that you will think through all of the possible consequences of the courses of action available to you.

What's your heart telling you now? And what about your head? When are you due to see your friend again?

Wx 

Hmmmm, I too am married to a 'very desirable bloke' and yet my heart is with someone else.

I am taking it quietly. I am seeing my friend I hope in the next few days and I will be looking out for any signs.

And as for him, he wasn't angry, he was just kind of sad and he looked really disappointed. It wasn't a long talk so not a lot of detail. anyway i felt too shocked and nosy to start asking to many questions.