Hi lou123,

 I don't know how your friend would react - I guess it depends on what you tell him - is it that you simply love him deeply or you are going to feel frustrated because you won't be able to have anintimate relationship with him.  It is okay to love people and be in love with them just not make them feel pressure.

I guess it might help to think about it in reverse and how might you feel if you were the object of someones affections and she wanted to express her love for you.  How would you want to be told?  What would and would not you want to know?  What would make you feel okay?

Sorry I have no personal experience of this but wondered if I might offer my thoughts anyway.  Take care now  UM xx 

Hi lou123, I am a gay man. If you felt like that about me, and most importantly expressed it the way you have on here, it would affect me very deeply - in ways that would make me feel good about myself, about you and about our relationship. You are so painfully aware of its limits. From your description I would be surprised if this young man is unaware of his effect on other people. Not saying it is vanity. But he may be more supportive than you expect if you are honest with him.

I think it sounds more than physical attraction however. What is it about his personality that attracts you?. Straight men can share that - believe me - I know to my cost. Is your obsession with him stopping you looking elsewhere? Long road I know.

You are still so young. Your world is literally round the corner. Just turn it. We are waiting on here to help.

Would like to say more but got to rush. Tell us more if you can.

Hugs

S76X

Hi there, pleased you feel you can explain more about how you feel. My, how the young can have a monopoly on words of wisdom (Sincerely).......

'The part of him being gay that they do not seem to understand is that he is not interested in women'. Brilliant mastery of understatement and it really rang true for me -  made me laugh so much. I know exactly what you mean. The fact you do says you have have quite a mature insight. Believe me there are gay men out there in their 60s who are still struggling with that one.

Sorry you are feeling so unhappy. Unrequited love is a bxxxxx. I know it well the other way round.I really admire your restraint and yes self respect. There is a growing tendency in gay venues for some younger straight girls to crowd together in 'mass conversions' - pinching bottoms and the like. Of course they can be quickly followed by the straight lads - and the venue is no longer a safe gay space. Confusing I know.

Having said that in my experience gay men often prefer the company of women. In fact we would sometimes be lost without them. I am sure this chap is the same. Very short change I know (unless one day he decides he might try bi - but for most of us life is not like that)  - do not give up on the idea of a profoundly meaningful friendship. It sounds like he can make you happy in all sorts of ways outside of a relationship. Cherish it. You certainly sound wise enough not to risk losing at least that.

Meanwhile the insight of your feelings and how you articulate them says alot about you. Try reframing some of it to how fortunate he is to know you.

Cheers

S76X

I am not pretending to be any expert on all this