Darkness

RipOutMyHeart

Brick created on 13/10/2008 @ 01:23

Your brick story

When I was little, my step-father would shoot any animal that walked into our yard. He usually just wounded it, let it walk off to die, and waited for someone- usually my brother or me- to find it's corpse. I hated him for that, you know. I hated seeing anything die like that. I shunned it.

Yesterday, I came home from running an errand for my mother. She wasn't home, and my brother walked out on the porch to greet me. He was excited, and, irritated, I asked him what he was doing. He told me that he had shot a dog that kept wondering into our yard, and he had hit him because there was "blood all over the place." I stood there for a moment, and then I said, "Oh. You do know that belonged to somebody?" He didn't reply.

I've noticed that he does a lot of stuff my mom and step-father did. He's become extremely violent towards other people. He used to avoid that. He used to not want to be like them, at any cost.

I've noticed it in me, too. I've stopped and looked at myself, and I can see that hatred and rage boiling out of me. I hate it so much, and it makes me angrier. We have the destructive gene in us. I have to wonder, will we learn to kill it, or will it define us like it did our parents?

Do we become our worst fears?

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Comments

13/10/2008 @ 01:45 Sehquethel said

Sometimes.
Sometimes it just makes us steer even further away from it.
If you think it'll overcome you, it will.
If you fight it, eventually, you won't have to fight anymore; it will be so far from your character.
Sometimes I wonder how some of us are able to teach ourselves to be different, and become something completely other than what we were taught to be...
Sometimes it makes me believe in a sort of predestined character... But only for a few of us.
In the end, we define ourselves. Not anyone else.
13/10/2008 @ 19:22 ant said

No you don't have to be like your mum or your step father - and I don't think it is a destructive gene - but you grew up with angry - and violent people and when that is all that you have known or experienced then how do you see other ways of being???
Maybe little brother should go and work in an animal refuge so he is able to experience what violence to animals does to them - and learn to care for them. For you - hey I think you are already asking all the right questions of yourself - maybe it is about finding ways of expressing the rage you feel and knowing that you don't have to hurt others to deal with it?
You are a good person I reckon and I like the way that Seh has said up above - we define ourselves. You don't want to be like "them" make it your dream - go for it. You are so much more than a mirror of those in your family :) ant xx-
17/10/2008 @ 01:56 butterfliesnroses said

hey girlie you will overcome the destructiveness attitude you grew up in....theres proof that you are a great kind person.......every one has mean in them...........keep a smile and positive continue being compasionate eventually you wont have to try just like .ant. said.....luvs ya thanks for listening tonite ur the bestest...theres ur proof...in me...