The other night I had a dream of a 'certain someone' - a 'certain someone' I cannot have. It was a very specific dream - a very personal dream.

I don't remember all of the details ... but my friend was driving CS (certain someone) and I ... we were in the backseat and started to kiss. It wasn't too personal at that point, it just happened.

We ended up at someones home and we started to ... *clears throat* ... 'you know'. It wasn't a 'I woke up needing some' kind of dream, rather just an "It happened' kind of dream.

All of it was very personal, very sensual, very nice. For a while in this dream, he held me and it was perfect and comfortable.

And now, after a few days, I think about this and really want it. I want to be held and to be admired. I want to be comfortable with someone. I want to be in a relationship ... I want all of that.

I'm afraid I won't get it, but not afraid enough to not dream or hope about it. Unfortunately I don't quite think outside of this 'cs' ... probably because he is right here. I would never want to ruin anything for him or anyone in his life, that wouldn't be fair, but I sometimes wonder what the two of us would be like. But then I think of how much pressure that would be - pressure to make sure things worked out perfectly, to make sure nothing ever went wrong.

CS likes me, I know this ... he has mentioned it to Robin several times ... but nothing could ever happen. Sad, but true ...