Alone at Christmas

thorn

Brick created on 01/12/2007 @ 21:44

Your brick story

This is the front walk to my grandparent's house. This picture was taken many years ago when my husband was deployed during Desert Shield/Storm. Even though I was surrounded by my family I felt lost and alone and lonely. Now I'm several thousand miles away from my family, living on my own, and I was planning on spending a quiet Christmas with my love, but something unavoidable has come up and he can't be with me. When he told me I didn't feel much of anything. No disappointment, no sadness, nothing. I think I should have some type of emotion about this, but I don't.

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Comments

01/12/2007 @ 23:51 roze said

An absence of feeling. A new one - just saw it. Why should you have emotion - perhaps your emotions are having a much needed rest at this level. I rarely feel lonely - only on the days i am giving myself a really bad time - but i feel alone most of the time - and have done all my life. I sometimes wonder if we all feel that. Your grandparents house looks like a place that people cared about Christmas.
03/12/2007 @ 14:09 thorn said

My house used to look like this too, which is why my friends are worried that I'm not decorating much. This won't be the first Christmas I've spent alone. I think I'm more concerned that we had plans and I'm not upset that they have changed. I showed him this brick and he said that he isn't surprised about how I feel and that it's OK not to have strong emotions about his changed plans. I'm still ambivalent.