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I am angry

thorn
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Brick created on 24/01/2008 @ 05:35

Your brick story

I have a blog that I write my personal thoughts in, and it upsets you in some way, but you refuse to discuss it with me. This makes me angry because by refusing to discuss my blog you are refusing to discuss my emotions. I re-read the damn thing tonight and there is nothing there that should upset you. My friends accuse me of acting like a jilted girlfriend, and you know what? I AM a jilted lover. You decided to quit having sex with me, AND you never gave me an explanation or discussed this with me. And then when i'm understanding and trying hard not to put more pressure on you you tell me that I'm making you feel guilty by not yelling or being unpleasant. Guess what? I love you, but you need to get over yourself. I had an epiphany while showering this morning. Leaving me 'for [my] own good' is not your decision. What is good and fulfilling for me is MY decision.

Tags:

love anger angry affair detox blog leaving epiphany distress

Comments

  • 24/01/2008 @ 06:02 thorn said
    thorn

    I forgot to add... Thank goodness you don't know about this site. It would really set you off.

  • 28/01/2008 @ 16:29 thrash_unreal said
    thrash_unreal

    kudos, darling. you're absolutely right, it isn't his decision to tell you what's best for you-- only you can do that. if you need an ear, though, a non-judgemental one, feel free to abuse mine. i've got two good ones.

  • 29/01/2008 @ 05:02 thorn said
    thorn

    Thank you Thrash.

  • 04/02/2008 @ 22:44 Thief said
    Thief

    It would make me very angry if a man left me 'for my own good'. I know exactly where you're coming from there. Moral of the story is, be careful who you give your blog to... some people can't handle the truth!

  • 05/02/2008 @ 00:32 thorn said
    thorn

    He and I share a mutual blog, but I also have personal blogs. What annoys me about his objection to the blog this post refers to is that it was supposed to be another mutual blog between us. But, he objected to what I wrote and still hasn't talked to me about it. He has also stopped posting on our other mutual blog. I have gotten to the point where I will talk to him about business, but nothing personal because I keep 'hurting' him according to mutual friends. I'm doing certain things by myself and not asking for his help and that 'hurts' him. I've stopped discussing my health with him and that 'hurts' him. I have un-coupled us in my mind and no longer say 'we' when making plans and that 'hurts' him. I have a choice between anger, hurt and being numb and I have chosen numb.

  • 13/02/2008 @ 07:50 emi said
    emi

    i have had this brick saved on my favorites for awhile now. cuz you described me and my boyfriend in a lot of ways. well... now ex boyfriend. :( i broke up with him cuz he was having too many doubts.. like he wants to be single and have me stick around too. so i told him since those doubts were getting in the way of our relationship, obviously the single part was more important so he could have it. now he just screws with my heart every day. he says he loves me blah blah blah. but my point is, when we were dating while he had these doubts, he would never have sex. and if i asked him why. he never had an answer. which tore me to pieces cuz he wanted to "screw around" with other girls.... love hurts so bad.

  • 15/02/2008 @ 07:13 thorn said
    thorn

    Hey emi, I know the screwing with my heart feeling. He sent me a dozen roses for Valentine's day, with a sweet note, but then he was distant during our time together. When I asked about the roses he picked them out himself so it wasn't something he setup earlier and then forgot to cancel. I am more confused now.

  • 15/02/2008 @ 07:43 emi said
    emi

    yea.... he spent the weekend with me... i think it was a mistake :( cuz now i'm so into him.. as usual. and i don't have a single commitment from him.

  • 03/03/2008 @ 05:52 thorn said
    thorn

    I really wish I was strong enough to just cut all ties with him. I've quit emailing and texting and we only talk 5 days a week instead of daily. It was a huge deal to go three whole days without talking to him - it's the longest we've gone without talking since we met.

    I suggested that I may want to leave the social organization we both belong to and he said he may want to leave too. But in the next breath he said he was exploring a specific organization that we both may enjoy, and talked about our leaving together to go there.

    This is why I'm so stressed out right now. I do love him. I want him to be happy and have a fulfilling life and if that means that we are not together, fine.


    I just don't want to hear how our relationship was a pretense and that I should be relieved he ended it and then have him turn around and tell me he can't imagine living his life without me.

    I feel like I'm a pathetic person and I don't respect myself or even like myself much right now.

  • 03/03/2008 @ 07:44 emi said
    emi

    haha... our guys should be friends. my ex tells me he loves me and wants to marry me. then he gets mad if i flirt. but he'll flirt around and thinks its ok.
    and i hate how hard it is for me to break away from him. i go a night and it feels wierd. i don't know... all i can say is i know how you feel. don't hate yourself. he's the one being stupid. a girls heart is easy to screw with.... we let people in faster and give them more of us. so it hurts us worse (from what i see)...

  • 27/03/2008 @ 07:52 YankeeBob said
    YankeeBob

    Thorn

    Have you ever heard of a 12 Step Program called SLAA ?

  • 27/03/2008 @ 07:59 emi said
    emi

    no, what is that?

  • 27/03/2008 @ 16:53 thorn said
    thorn

    Its sweet of you, Bob, to be so solicitous of my well-being. In fact I do not have an addictive personality although I have no hesitation in grabbing fun whenever it comes my way. It so happens that I am dealing with the breakdown of what was a very significant relationship in my life, which may be why you perceive me to be in need of help. I'm doing fine and I expect to be back to my normal self soon. Thank you for your feedback. I do appreciate it.

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