Out in the cold, I guess.

What a monumental waste of timed & money. Well, I hope getting the money has been some consolation to you. Right now, I don't hate you anymore. I suppose that is something. I am just so disappointed.

& you can go on thinking the problem is not you, not Psychiatry, not the drugs, not the Therapy you gave, or rather, attempted to give - because, whether I benefit or not from Therapy is up to me. So, it means I am the problem with treatment is me.

I'm sorry. Sounds like I'm angry at you - you don't have any more answers than I do about how to make me care enough about myself to do the things I need to do. I will die this way, being no one, achieving nothing, unhappy, alone, one my death bed wondering why the hell couldn't I live before I die?

What is going to move me? One way or the other - you know, I really don't care which, as long as I move from this place. No, that's not true either - I think I'd rather die that actually get involved with living. That only makes me wonder why I hang on, year after year, with no promise that the waiting will be worth while.? Why? What a piss weak reason to keep breathing is "I don't know, something might happen..(one way or another)."

-Mebenji