Comments

• 15/05/2008 @ 21:36 UMxx said

  

  Hello Phantom,

  Are you new here? Welcome. I agree the older we get without learning how to talk about what is happening with others - the harder it gets.

  I am an oyster and don't like opening up either - but I think I am learning. I have never felt anything negative on the Wall - though initially I was sure that I would - Wallers are very supportive. If you do want to talk then I am here and listening. Just start with something small if you like - remember we don't know each other so it can't get any safer than this.

• 15/05/2008 @ 21:59 the_phantom640 said

  

  Thankyou for your nice reply....I didnt think anyone would have even noticed my brick because theres millionsssss of them out there :)

  It justs feels very strange that I am so unemotional / unloving with other people. Even when family say they love me I struggle to return the compliment, even though I do love them very much. Or if someone wants a hug I push them away or i'm just rigid and it gives the impression that I am a heartless git.

  I really do wonder sometimes what is wrong with me. I am one of these people destined to be a lonely old man. HAHA

• 15/05/2008 @ 22:50 UMxx said

  

  Yeah I felt the same as you when I came to the Wall - I know it feels better to know we are not alone.

  So is it the spoken words that trip you up or the written words - I bet you find it easier to write .... I know I do. I think it might be useful to think that there is nothing wrong with you - expressing emotions in this way might just be something you never learnt - well that's how I see myself - kind of not properly developed and so now I just think of it as a learner. a middle aged learner to boot. so what do you say when your family says that they love you?

• 15/05/2008 @ 23:04 the_phantom640 said

  

  I tell them I love them too, but kind of struggle to say it therefore I dont even know if it sounds sincere. I just wonder why I am like this? I think its probably down to being in your typical old fashioned working class family. The mother stays in being the housewife while the men have to act tough and show no emotions......I guess I grew up that way, and now it seem impossible to find those emotions. Dont get me wrong, I have never been a tough guy HAHA I couldnt punch my way out of a paper bag.

• 16/05/2008 @ 02:11 UMxx said

  

  oh yes I get this. I am the youngest in my tribe and somehow ended up in the role of being the peacemaker and organiser in the family. My older syblings had families by the time I was a young teenager so I was left to manage mum through dad's death and pretty much manage mum from then on. Your parents sound like mine - no show of emotions and just get on with the work.

  I wonder whether you hear your voice in a real way when you say "I love you too".. Sometimes when we are low or feeling "locked up" we don't hear ourselves so well. I wonder how your mum might feel about a nice card next time it is appropriate?

  And I think you are right the way we grow up is what we have to continue with - some people don't wonder about this though and don't change - they just repeat the patterns of their family. You sound like you have a fairly strong character that wants to assert itself and is just trying to work out how - maybe?

  Is there something you would like to be able to say to someone in your family?

• 16/05/2008 @ 20:21 the_phantom640 said

  

  There is nothing in particular I would like to say to anyway in my family, I just want to feel normal, be a loving human being not just to family but to friends and strangers too. Instead I just feel like a shell of a man.
  I've grown to live with it but it can be very annoying sometimes.
  I think i have a fairly strong character, but as you say, not very assertive about showing feelings to anyone. I would love to work out how to change this, but I'm not holding my breath.

• 17/05/2008 @ 00:45 UMxx said

  

  Well I guess wanting to do something is a big part of being able to change. I guess I use the wall as my practice place.

  Are you a writer?

• 17/05/2008 @ 16:06 the_phantom640 said

  

  No i'm not a writer, not very good a putting my thoughts in to words. Thankyou for listening to me :) it really is much appreciated and means alot to me :)

• 17/05/2008 @ 17:50 UMxx said

  

  You're welcome - what goes around comes around I guess - other people have listened to me here on the Wall - it meant quite a lot to me also. :) UM