Comments

• 15/08/2008 @ 15:06 Mebenji said

  

  Hi there, Eyeswideopen,

  I'm not sure I feel quite the same sometimes, just sometimes I think I'd like so much for others to care, to get more help than I've been getting, for someone else to be responsible for me and my well-being, rather that rely on myself - so unreliable a person to rely on, is myself...and it is so hard, so much more work and effort to do for yourself what you'd like someone else to do...It seems like so much to ask of myself sometimes. It is not necessarily a bad thing to need help sometimes - but it can be as an alluring trap into becoming dependant on people, perhaps a certain select few people, or on anyone, who just happens to be there, and we forget or neglect our own judgement and can get into awful trouble because of it. I do ask myself where will it lead, if I was to constantly be leaning on some one, and as it were, at there mercy - if they should choose and decide what I need, what is best for me, rather than taking decisions for myself...It's a tough place to be, Eyes. Falling already only makes it harder, because you feel like you are already losing control - that only makes it worse still...One of the greatest problems is regaining a sense of control, of being your own person able to make decisions about yourself and your life, but if you go and give all that to someone else (or allow them to take it) how much harder is it going to be to get it back?

  I will offer you my comfort - but not because of any weakness - I don't even see any weakness there, Eyes. I see strength and resolve you had to post your brick, your concerns, your honest feelings..not easy to admit these feelings, is it? I know, I've struggled admitting them on one hand and barring anyone access to ME on the other, stubbornly independent like that. Somewhere in the middle, I think, is where we need to be.

  ((((Hugs))))
  -Mebenji

• 15/08/2008 @ 21:56 ant said

  

  Hi eyes,
  I don't think depression is addictive - I think it is just the way we are - for some of us - it is how we react to the things that have happened to us. For others it is as unavoidable as diabetes or poor eye sight. It just is.

  If you are feeling right now that you are missing the care and comfort of others in your life then perhaps you could ask yourself what is it that I could be so that others could care for me?

  I want to support you here because you ask for support - do you do this in real life? ant:)

• 16/08/2008 @ 12:14 eyeswideopen said

  

  mebenji thats very true..that if u give control over to someone else it makes it so much harder to get it back. id never really thought about that.
  ant, im not sure i understand the 1st question. my experience is that people dont care for me on the whole. only when i have been at my very lowest have i felt a little cared for (but even then mainly by doctors). so thats what makes me cling to being low...because thats the only way i know to make people care. that sounds so horrible and selfish of me, doesnt it? no, im not too good at asking for support in real life. i dont want to be a burden to others. and i know most people cant handle it....a few people have told me in the past not to turn to them for support because its too difficult to hear. i dont want to hurt others. so i guess thats why i turned to online support communities...because so many people can hear me but walk away if they want and pretend they never heard the screams, but maybe, just maybe, out of the hundreds that do, just 1 or 2 kind people like urselves will acknowledge that u hear me.