Comments

• 19/08/2008 @ 12:19 UMxx said

  

  In 16 years it sounds like you have not allowed yourself to be more important than your job - I am glad that you are giving yourself this time - it is so necessary for your healing. It is more important to do this than to push yourself through work - and just as valid to look after your spirit as your physical body.

  I am sending you all of my best warm thought and wishes for you to find a place of calm and peace within. Be gentle with yourself lots of love UM xxx

• 20/08/2008 @ 18:11 harmony said

  

  Hi UM
  Hansk for the toghts and warm wishes.

  I always used to have counselling on Sat mornings - for years - and I had the rest of the weekend to synthesis it all. I've never before had counselling in such a busy job - they are not compatible!

• 20/08/2008 @ 22:56 Brown Bear said

  

  I think you are so brave to have made the decision to confront these issues that you have suppressed for so long. I'm sure its the right thing to do even if it feels like you are being torn apart by doing it. Perhaps you have needed to cry for a long time and maybe the tears will wash away some of those awful memories.

• 20/08/2008 @ 23:41 UMxx said

  

  I don't want to be too pushy but wonder if you know of other people at work who may need or use counselling and can't navigate the culture of taking out time for them selves to do the deeper stuff

  
  As "the boss" in charge, I always let people have time for appointments for medical reasons - you know dentists and doctors, chiros, etc because they used to work so hard and always really long hours and it was part of valuing them and letting them know that I thought their health was important. I would attend sessions during my lunch break - I was always a bit of a stunned mullet afterwards and just made sure that I didn't put meetings on afterwards that might shatter me. Then I would put them on at the end of the day - and have the night.

  I remember one of my employees coming in to tell me that she had been told to take some time off - for stress by the GP - she was terrified of telling me - I am like the Himalayas at work - so I told her that if she was stressed and thought she needed to do more than just take some time off she might consider seeing someone profession - gosh the flood gates opened - and because I know so well that feeling of vulnerbility of sharing I told her that I had been in therapy and all of a sudden it was okay - it gave her permission to feel okay about going - actually I ended up going to the first appointment with her as she was so terrified and she spent the first half of the session talking to me - the therapist was so good and gentle . I just wish that senior managers and leaders thought beyond the balance sheet - but then I think that people are more important than money and it has been suggested to me before that I have a very eccentric outlook!

  Be nice to yourself Harmony - I am hoping that one day a really wonderful human being makes a better work space for you and your clients

  love UM xx

• 21/08/2008 @ 01:31 inspire said

  

  Wow, I need a manager like you UM!
  Harmony, it's important to take time for yourself, even if it's a bit of time away from work. In order for you to do your job well and to the way in which it sounds like you want to, you need to recharge. I'm glad you are able to get into therapy, that always makes things a bit easier.
  Sending many hugs, Inspire xx

• 22/08/2008 @ 17:14 harmony said

  

  Hi All

  UM, as I am the manager you can be assured that we do offer counselling etc. I work for a small private company (fewer than 80 employees nationally) We had someone with addiction issues and he attended counselling sessions through the company. Also my own counselling sessions are being paid for by the company without any contraints of how many I can have. Also today I had my appraisal and have agreed to have Wednesdsys OFF each week to help manage my home/life balance and reduce my stress as I work way more than agreed hours (and got a good pay increase too, whichi always helps).

  We take hosp appts as paid time as long as we are in for part of the day. If I want the luxury of having the whole day off for a medical appt I will take it as a days holiday.

  No one in the company other than managers ever works beyond hours or is expected to take any work home.. and I make sure everyone has all their breaks etc and we fit in with family commmitments/emergencies etc. When someone had a bereavement last year she had all the time she thought she needed, without question.

  It's just ME that I'm not very good at looking after - brilliant with everyone else!

  I struggle feeling that I am somehow as worthy - which is sad. Or maybe I am anxious that other people will not think I'm worthy - can't quite decide which it is (actually the latter is the projection of the first -yes?). And yet I know that MD thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread and I know we had a 360% feedback from everyone I line manage and noone said anything awful about me - in fact I cried when MD read the comments out to me. And I can't actually think of anyone in my adult live( ex apart!) who has ever done anything to casue me to think I am not worthy.....................and yet I can't quite get to thinking I deserve the same good treatment/ conditions that others do. And I suspect I know the reason why!

  Still working on it.

  Love Harmony

• 22/08/2008 @ 19:14 UMxx said

  

  And with a flourish of the hand, I say, Let's Launch Project Harmony!

  Why am I not surprised about the information you have given me?

  One day I hope to understand what it is that makes us feel unworthy when we are low. Unworthy is a word that pops up on the Wall so often - and yet I know that we are worth much.

  Like you I know that there are others who really appreciate me - even when I am okay I admit that I feel like I am waiting for them to see through to the "real"me - a regular person with clay feet.

  I am glad that you have taken Wednesdays off - that is a wonderful decision and it is worthy of celebrating. So I know that it is the internal thinking and not the attitude to others that is important. But the crux for me is the notion of cultural "permission" It is great that you look after others. Imagine if there was someone in your group of direct reports who was struggling though and she or he decided they were unworthy and didn't talk to you - the way that you treat yourself might be the way that they interpret as being the "permission" to treat themselves. I struggle with this personally. But when it comes to adjusting my own behaviour it was the only thing that made sense - it is too early for me to deal with the complications of internal worthiness.

  love you lots - hope this makes a little bit of sense but am wobbly this morning. UM xx