everything you say translates like this to me...
"what you did was unexcusable. It can never be forgiven. You ruined my life, you must carry that with you always. I will keep you around,however, until I am ready to let you go. Always reminding you how horribly you screwed up, because I won't be kind, I can't, I dislike you too much. I just don't want to loose you. I don't like you though. You're not good enough."

sounds like hate to me.