Comments

• 13/04/2008 @ 18:49 Wolfie said

  

  Hello. Why do you feel the need to hurt yourself? Can you talk about it? if you reply, it will be anonymous. Wx

• 14/04/2008 @ 08:49 Anonymous said

  

  Well I have never been one to talk about my feelings. I bottle a lot of things up. And its hard to trust some people because of the possibility they might tell someone else. I have a few people who really care about me and I don't want them to worry. And when everything just gets so built up and bottled up I have to release it or I am just not myself. And the way I choose to do that is to inflict pain upon myself. I don't bruise but because I hit myself so bad I hurt for a few days. And its a reminder of my pain I feel inside. But my friend really cares about me. And I feel bad because he had to find out.

• 15/04/2008 @ 08:56 Wolfie said

  

  Why don't you tell us? Start a Talkabout on how you are feeling? The community will respond, I promise. Wx

• 15/04/2008 @ 08:57 roze said

  

  Let's come back to your friend in a while. Can you share a little more what your pain inside is about? I have self harmed and i understand how hurting self somehow makes the inside pain more tangible. Here and listening. Love roze

• 16/04/2008 @ 14:14 Anonymous said

  

  Your right...When I do hit myself...It makes my pain so much more real...It makes my heart not hurt so bad. My pain on the inside just comes from loving so much it hurts. And caring so much it hurts. And not wanting to push things. And I dont want to push things I honestly dont. But its like a personal struggle because I have always rushed things and I dont want to rush this thing But its like habit to rush things. And its like I am constantly fighting with myself... And I just care deeply for him. So much that sometimes it hurts. And I know that he cares for me... Im not doubting that in any way shape or form. Its just that sometimes I wonder if he misses a few people from his past. And if sometimes he would rather be with them. But I know thats not true. Because I know he would tell me. And that if he did want that he wouldnt be here with me now. And care so much for me. Its just that Im so used to getting lied to its hard not to think that. And thats also another personal struggle. I know he isnt like that. But my mind has been wired to think like that for so many years its hard to stop and I dont want to think those things. And like I said just alot of personal struggle...

  ~Me

• 16/04/2008 @ 14:16 Anonymous said

  

  PS. Dear roze. Its me the me that we talk back and forth on the one about where I wanted to cut myself. And I told you about my family history and this guy that I was seeing. Just thought I would let you know. So that would maybe help a little.

• 16/04/2008 @ 19:18 roze said

  

  This being the guy who is so wonderful - that your family and you love - the Cutt brick? Have i got that right - i don't want to make a mess.

• 16/04/2008 @ 22:52 Anonymous said

  

  Yeah thats the guy. And yeah thats my brick...

• 17/04/2008 @ 11:19 roze said

  

  It sounds to me that you have found someone so good that your pain is the anxiety of losing him - and you have suffered enough loss in your life. The difficulty can be that when we spend too much time focusing on what could happen we lose sight of what is happening. Is there anyway you can fix a visual image of when he made you happiest - like saying that he was glad that you were there - and bring that to mind whenever a doubt starts creeping in? Just hold it and don't let go of that image and the feelng that came with it.

• 17/04/2008 @ 16:00 Anonymous said

  

  That is sort of what I do. I start to doubt and then I like why doubt when I know he cares about me and loves me because of *insert example* And he always makes me happy. It is me who feels that sometimes I make him sad. But he tells me that I make him happy. And he talks to his friends about me. And why would someone do that if they didnt want to be with or care about that person. They wouldnt. And I appreciate the advice :) and I think your right. My pain is probably from the anxiety of possibly losing him. Because reading that first sentence my heart dropped and my stomach became this web of knots. So yeah. Thank you so much roze.

  ~Me

• 17/04/2008 @ 16:12 roze said

  

  In my experience if you get too anxious about losing someone you can precipitate it. Sometimes i wonder if we subconsciously push people away through our anxieties as we feel that is what is going to happen anyway. Weird i know. Have you got a really beautiful photo of him - smiling at you or something? Carry it with you and when the anxiety kicks in just look at it and smile back! Rx

• 17/04/2008 @ 19:55 Anonymous said

  

  Its not wierd its true... I think I read about it somewhere or something... But no its true... And Yeah i saved them on my computer and I like to look at them because it makes me smile... : ) but I kind of want to talk to you about something would it be okay if I messaged you??

• 17/04/2008 @ 19:58 roze said

  

  yes sure - please do!