Comments

• 26/04/2008 @ 09:08 UMxx said

  

  Well this is a tragic brick - could you encourage her onto the Wall? There's just way too many sick people in the world - why would anyone would to hurt their kids? and to the point the kids think they deserve it - too sad.

• 26/04/2008 @ 21:26 Sehquethel said

  

  This, of course, breaks my heart.
  I wish we could do something.

• 26/04/2008 @ 22:54 UMxx said

  

  It may be a matter of finding a way - and if one cannot be found, then of making making a way.

  But the person who needs to do that is ROHMs friend - all anyone else can do is support and be there. This drives me crazy though - I can't bear feeling powerless to help when people are trapped.

• 27/04/2008 @ 01:27 Sehquethel said

  

  ExACTlt unionmaid... we are completely powerless in this situation.. and we are both the same way. It drives us insane not to be able to help... She's closer to her friend than I am, but I'm so intensely empathetic that I feel I have to help.. And I truly wish I could =[ >.< But she has to ask for help first.

• 13/05/2008 @ 18:10 winsomecloud said

  

  Dear Ripsoutmyheart--
  she needs to talk to someone who can help. Encourage her to go to a teacher or school counsellor (offer to go with her) or call a child's help line (most countries have them). Child Abuse is not OK and it is illegal. An adult should be involved in order to be able to take steps for it to stop and to get help for the family. I know this is hard but if she won't talk to someone, you may need to do it yourself in order to get some help for her. Good luck with this.
  

• 14/05/2008 @ 01:33 RipOutMyHeart said

  

  We contacted the police. Her mom made her drop the charges. Now, my mom along with countless others thinks she deserved it for being a "bad kid." It makes me so mad, but like Seh said, we are powerless. I'm watching her die, and there's nothing I can do.

• 14/05/2008 @ 06:17 winsomecloud said

  

  In most countries child protection services exist to step in to protect children (I'm assuming your friend is a minor) in such situations. Not all cases will lead to criminal convictions, but the social workers can intervene even when the police won't. All they need is to determine that there is a child "at risk" in order to intervene (whereas the police operate according to different standards of proof). I don't know what country you live in but here are some child help line numbers:
  Canada: 1-800-668-6868
  UK: 0800 1111
  Australia: 1800 55 1800
  USA: 1-800-252-2873
  Don't give up -- you are not powerless.
  Give her the appropriate number and/or call yourself. Good luck! My thoughts are with you both.

• 14/05/2008 @ 11:27 UMxx said

  

  Hi ROMH - the fact that her mum has excused this cruel behaviour and made her drop the charges is really a worry. Who will protect her - even if she is not a saint - who cares she has a right to be safe and protected from this behaviour.

  If you could ring up and find out information for her then maybe you could have a brains trust meeting and try to work out how to get her out of this situation - she might lack hope that she deserves better. UM

• 14/05/2008 @ 18:51 RipOutMyHeart said

  

  She doesn't want to break up her family; she doesn't want her mom to hate her. Even though her dad will start beating the other children, she doesn't want to do anything about it. I don't understand what she's doing- I've never been in a situation like this. I'm going to try talking to her again, but I don't think she'll listen. She's been avoiding me lately...

• 14/05/2008 @ 19:18 UMxx said

  

  Well you know that saying - Better the devil you know ... I can imagine that your friend is very scared - of the way that change might impact on her family, of her siblings being affected. I guess that you need to treat carefully to maintain her contact with you. She might be finding herself squeezed in the situation she is in. Do you have a counselor on your campus that you could talk to?

• 16/05/2008 @ 20:52 RipOutMyHeart said

  

  She doesn't like counselors, and I've been told, quite firmly, to stay out of it. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but if I get involved, I'm going ot lose her forever. I don't want that. I don't want her to be hurt, either. This whole situation is very delicate and frustrating. Right now, I'm just trying to keep her anywhere but home.

• 17/05/2008 @ 00:52 UMxx said

  

  Well this is hard - actually I was suggesting that you go to the counsellor and see if s/he can give you some strategies for talking - your friend might feel she is being told what to do rather than working it out for her self.

  I don't think you are going to lose her - just keep away from words like "gotta" "should" and so one - they don't really work for me - and I am a stubborn mule. I'm glad she has such good friends who look out for her.

  UM

• 17/05/2008 @ 02:28 RipOutMyHeart said

  

  I might do that. I don't know yet. Everything's just so messed up right now. >.< Thank you, though, for all of the advice. You're a really great person.

• 17/07/2008 @ 01:18 Mebenji said

  

  I've just seen this brick.

  It is a heart-breaking situation. I am only certain that, if you can be there for her, best as you can - that helps.

  I get the feeling she likely is thinking that if she cops it, her siblings will be protected. But only to some extent. They still live in that environment, with those parents, with the attitudes and behaviour you describe - they will be effected just by being there, if it is that they are witnesses to the abuse of your friend. It sometimes happens that one child is actively victimised. That impacts on the other people around them. Just as much, I think - if only because of the feelings of powerlessness to stop it, or because they might feel guilty that they are relieved it is not them being beaten.

  I'm thinking of it this way because of my teenage friend (long ago now), who was being abused by her father. She stayed as long as she did to protect her siblings. She tried, really did try- to no good ending though. I was by her side as much as I could. I hope my being there helped her, kept her strong as she was. I hope my friendship was an influence like that. She never talked about it, though. The only person she openly cared for was her mother. Her mother's own inability to cope caused her so much pain...one of the worst days of her life, I think. She would never let down her guard, even to me. I could not leave her to be alone. No matter what - almost. Anyway, it is hard. My friend didn't ever think she or her siblings or her mother deserved the treatment they got form him - even still, she couldn't just leave them to fend him off. She was the eldest. Perhaps that made her feel more responsible for keeping her siblings safe. I don't know if that applies to your friend or not. It seems logical to me that the eldest child does tend to carry a greater burden of responsibility, obligation even as if this is their prescribed role.

  None of this helps you much, I'm sorry to say. I do like the idea of talking to the counsellor yourself and wondered how that has been for you? It can feel terribly hard if not impossible to talk to others about how you are feeling, coping, and thinking about this situation. So I am wondering if you are able to see the counsellor regularly - to talk over the feelings you have that you can't talk with anyone else about? That's something I didn't have, which I think would have been very helpful if I had.

  Try to have good times with your friend. Just so all her waking hours aren't horrible.
  I think that is also important.

  (((Hugs))) -Mebenji

• 02/10/2008 @ 15:24 xoxorainbow said

  

  This brick brings memorys up for me.You have to keep trying to be there for your friend and keep trying even if she dont want it trust me.I get abused and what she is doing i did to my friends and i also got pushed away and i let him push me away and well i lost that friend,but hold on to her maybe get her to get help and i fully understand where your coming from in this brick its hard watching someone you love seem to not care but im thinking of her and you!~xoxorainbow~

• 02/10/2008 @ 21:21 RipOutMyHeart said

  

  I lost her. We don't even speak anymore. As far as I know, she's moving in with her boyfriend in another town. It makes me so sad- she has so much potential to really be someone, and she's going to marry this man who's ten years older than her, raise his kid, and pretty much rough it. She is so smart- she could do anything. I feel so hopeless when I think about it.

• 03/10/2008 @ 00:45 UMxx said

  

  Hey xoxo and

  ROMH, don't ever feel so hopeless for someone else - we all have so much potential but we just can't "fix" life for others. Yes it is sad but being a person like you who is generous and there for others is powerful and if people can't quite manage it then don't feel bad inside. We all have our own journeys and hers is still going. Who knows of her future?

  love UM xx

• 03/10/2008 @ 01:00 RipOutMyHeart said

  

  Thanks, UM. Somehow, you always know exactly what to say.
  Much Love, ROMH