Comments

• 24/07/2008 @ 07:10 Wolfie said

  

  I wonder too - what might it be? Wx

• 24/07/2008 @ 07:52 roze said

  

  Is this a feeling like 'What if this is as good as it gets?" or something completely other? Rx

• 24/07/2008 @ 12:57 Mebenji said

  

  Hello Dolphinz,
  Good to see you back again.
  I wonder too-but what is "IT" for you? I look at your picture and see a tangled mess, beautiful, but a tangled mess all the same...and a lot of dark spaces in between the ropes/ties, or whatever IT is.
  Can you explain a little and we can talk...?
  -Mebenji

• 27/07/2008 @ 07:27 dolphinz said

  

  I'm thinking more along the lines of is this all there is to my life...is this as good as it gets... I'm supposed to be in the prime of my life but I feel just like you, Mebenji, said-I feel like a tangled mess with too many holes and voids that I can't seem to fill.

• 27/07/2008 @ 08:14 Mebenji said

  

  Hmm, it is a difficult question - with difficult answers I suspect. First, you gotta know what you want in life, then how you might be able to achieve it. You've got to be prepared to work hard, make mistakes and take risks. That's where I fall down. I want too much certainty, I want it to be easy. I want to know I can dance before I've taken even one lesson...I hope you have a greater spirit of adventure than I do. I hope you are willing to try new things, things you may even at first think you won't enjoy - these might surprise you most of all - I don't know. To not be stuck wondering if this all there is, I think we need to be willing to make our own opportunities ourselves...again this is an area where I have trouble. You also have to go where what you want is possible.

  It's like, if you want to have children, there is little point in not trying to be in a relationship with anyone, or being in a relationship with someone who is not interested it that...or if you want to if you have a dream to be a chef, how would working in a day care centre help you? These are examples of what I'm trying to say...I don't know what it is you are wanting. what do you feel is missing? What sort of hopes and dreams do you have? What steps can you make towards any of those?

  :) Let's have a look where you are now, and where you want to be? what do you think is holding you back? I hope I can help - but I am by no means an expert!!

  -Mebenji

• 28/07/2008 @ 02:37 dolphinz said

  

  Right there is my big problem...I don't know what I want from life. I have no direction. I feel stuck. Since graduating high school I really havent done anything with my life. I went to college but dropped out after two years after deciding against the major i had chosen. I still haven't picked something I want to do. I think its mostly me being afraid of picking something that I'm going to hate later. I am not a risk taker. I am much like you in the fact that I like to know what exactly is going to happen and when. I don't like surprises. I'm sure how to answer the question "what do you feel is missing?" My answer would be just about everything. I don't get along with my family, I dont have a fullfilling job, I have social anxiety so I have the hardest time going out anywhere which in turn makes it hard to meet people-hence why i'm still single. There is just so much i'm missing out on and i know it but don't know what to do about it. I dont know how to change and that is the most frustrating of all.

• 28/07/2008 @ 04:56 Mebenji said

  

  Hey, Dolphinz,

  Seems way too much like me. I don't do well in social situations either. I have some interests in things I do - for a long time I never showed them to people but now, I have joined a writers' group. One very good thing about it as opposed to other social settings, is it has a structure; I know what to expect, what we will be talking about. I even feel comfortable sharing my writing now - not quite so comfortable reading aloud, but I have come to know these people enough to know they will not ridicule me or laugh at me when I stumble, and am noticeably uncomfortable and struggling. It takes time, and yes, a certain determination to take a risk.

  I come here too, openly write my opinions (nothing like how little I can talk! Writing for me is a much better, safer and more fluid means of communicating for me. So I begin here. I talk here. I can even show my art here, my poetry anything - much of which I would be very reluctant to hold up in front of people...oh, no. That would be much too hard. But I want to speak, calmly, clearly, read my own writing, record it for others to hear. I keep pushing myself, even though it may be uncomfortable, it may be frightening even, hell, I may even embarrass myself - but what is the worst thing that Could Possibly happen? If that does? And describe these ideas that come to mind?
  I think you did well to get to college, to stay as long as you did... that could not have been easy.
  If we did suddenly find something we were instantly experts at doing - I wonder what then? What would we have missed out on along the way others go through to learn, to make mistakes, to succeed and fail together? One thing I think for sure is an an appreciation of ourselves and our abilities, learning we can be resilient...all the human growing that comes with having to make an effort. If we had to make no effort, I think that would leave us feeling just as empty.

  I wonder, do you think you could/would start a TA about this? Ask more people...what about the new network BWW has begun for younger people? I don't know how old you are, or even what age group that network covers - just I am sure others there would be feeling their way just as you are.
  I'm nearly 50 and feel I've somehow missed/lost a lot of years somewhere. I'm doing my best to reach out, make friends, taking a few risks to do so, but if I don't I will still be here in ten, twenty or thirty years time. I hope you do find another road to follow.

  -Mebenji

• 28/07/2008 @ 21:28 roze said

  

  Dolphinz - good to see you here. I am trying to understand more about you and your relationship to change, if that is ok? I was wondering if you can remember the last decision you made that you felt good about - that it was right for you? Would you be prepared to share that - how long ago it was, what it was and what left you feeling good about it.

• 31/07/2008 @ 06:12 dolphinz said

  

  Mebenji-I understand what you are trying to say and I just wish I could take those steps to the edge-challenge myself more and not be afraid, but I am. I care way too much what others think of me but I dont know how to stop. Every thing we do does impact who we become and thats why I dont feel like i'm becoming much-cuz i dont do much. I hate when people get angry with me when I don't go out with them but I can't bring myself to do so and nobody really understands the extent that my social anxiety goes to. I hate myself when I don't go as well. It is so frustrating! The only reason I even stayed at college as long as i did was because I was so scared to tell my parents and since then i have regretted that decision mostly because they make a point everytime I see them to bring up the fact that I didn't finish school and now I'm not doing anything with my life. And I know i'm still young-26-but when I look around and see all my friends starting to get married and have families while I'm still struggling day to day-it makes things a whole lot clearer.

  Roze-I haven't really made any major decisions recently. The last one was deciding to move back out of my parents and looking back at it I don't know if it was the best thing to do since now I'm in some financial problems. It is very hard for me to make decisions without some kind of consulting with someone. I really can't think of any decision that I felt good about-most of them turn out to cause some kind of backlash problems. I'm sure theres good in there somewhere but I don't know where. Thank you both for your concern.

• 31/07/2008 @ 07:46 Mebenji said

  

  Ah, huh okay, Dolphinz, I'm sorry I did not fully appreciate the extent of your social anxiety/phobia. Worse than mine, it seems. So, I've got a bit of therapy for mine, along side with therapy for more generalized anxiety, depression, some PTSD symptoms - so I'm not sure which bits of my therapy precisely would best help you...therefore, I think I think the best course of action for you, now, & yes, - this will be a big decision, I know. It was an horrendous decision for me. In a way I avoided making it by allowing things to get so bad I basically had no choice except to go to my GP and get advice from him, crying as I did - but I knew I could not cope on my own anymore, and needed some-one's help. That's all I knew. Who and what kind of help, I left up to him. I ended up seeing a Psychiatrist. Psychologists, though are well qualified to treat psychological problems - some counsellors too, but check qualifications. I'm a little wary because it is not such a well regulated area. Oh sure there are some nasty unethical people practising in the most regulated of areas - people need to keep their wits about them and learn a bit about what they can expect and what would not happen under any circumstances.
  Much as I wish I could help more, I think the level of your anxiety is more than I can help you with. I can be here to support and encourage you - all the way, if you can imagine me right with you, next to you and if that helps, by all means...I'm holding your hand. I think though, seeking help from someone you can actually sit with, talk to, practise as they suggest for you...it what will help far more than imagining a little purple turtle (surrendering to whatever will be, will be...the future's not ours...blah blah ...maybe that's not the healthiest of images, haahah.) is squeezing your hand, saying, "You can do it!" in your ear.

  You know what the alternative is, if you don't seek help from a real person - you will be stuck like me, or worse - seeing that I do manage a few things. If I had dealt with this stuff when I was 26 - or even younger, (my problems go back to childhood) I would have not been so stuck; the earlier treatment begins, the better, I have since learned. Even at my age, I know I can still get better, though it takes more effort, a lot of determination, and (I hope I've found this time) a blood good therapist.

  (((Hugs))) -Mebenji & please, let me know what you decide.