Comments

• 16/08/2008 @ 22:26 Jomo said

  

  Some people never do understand. Ever.

  
  What is a miracle is that you, yourself, understand; and give understanding and compassion and love, in spite of never having been shown any of them.

  
  That is the true miracle, and that is the true wonder, and that is the miracle of Mebenji.

  
  You did not get a chance to say goodbye, but you can say still goodbye, you can speak to Orion in your heart, or on a brick, or in a picture, or in a photograph. It is never to late to make that final goodbye, and send it out.

  Love you
  Jo

• 17/08/2008 @ 04:10 inspire said

  

  Jomo is right ... you can still say goodbye. I'm not so sure that you would be able to move through this, if you didn't. You have beautiful words that express how you feel ... just let them out directed to Orion.
  Call me blonde, but this does mean you're birthday is coming up ... correct?
  Sending lots of warm hugs and a lot of love, Inspire xxx

• 17/08/2008 @ 14:52 Mebenji said

  

  Hi Inspire,
  My father had dated the letter, as above, with the date of my birthday, Aug 18 - I received it two days later, on Monday, when I went up to the Post Office, to check my P O Box, and there it was - I was excited. I think, my father is really trying this time...I also had a bill to pay so I opened it while waiting in line (I didn't want to wait) and began reading it. I very nearly fainted, literally, I mean that. I don't remember if I paid the bill even, just that I got back to my place closed the door and collapsed behind it.

  
  I hadn't even read the whole letter which mostly concerned himself, my sister, and brothers and how good his relationship was with each of them, yeah, even the brother who had abused me, my father had gone on to say how he was turning to my father for support and understanding although he wasn't talking about why - my father knew though, because I had told him everything. My brother knew I had told my father - I told him about the letter I'd written. Had I brought it out into the open? Not if no-one else is willing to talk about it.

  
  I stayed there, behind the door, for a long time...failing to comprehend, trying to fit this piece of the puzzle in somewhere, quite against my will to do so...horrible as my father's way of telling me, I couldn't believe he could be SO cruel as to make the whole thing up...so it had to be true; Orion was dead - no more chance now that we would ever be friends again, she wasn't out there in the world being happy as I hoped. Just gone - and so little information about it. While I was dealing with this, I politely wrote back to my father, with my sympathies for those others he'd mentioned, his friends and his sister and also asked, because I thought he'd want to tell me more about Orion, the funeral etc, to hold off on that - I was struggling just to accept Orion's death so for the time being I didn't want to know more, to have more to cope with, but later I would. I did ask if he could provide contact details for her mother, is she agreed.

  
  I did ask for more about a month later. There were simply too many unanswered questions running round my head with no where to go and settle down. Partly I wanted to go some where, to a cemetery, to her grave site, if she was buried - I didn't even know that. Wanted to know the date, where etc. Wanted to know if she had very sick for long or short a period of time, if she had married (last time I literally bumped into her, she said she was - but even then, she didn't offer anymore to me.) Anyway, he didn't answer that letter. I still have no more information than I did that day.

  
  I guess I haven't felt I've said 'good-bye' because incomplete, so inconclusive - we never even finished the friendship properly (I never did at all). If this is an ending - it sucks.

  
  Thank you, Jomo, Inspire - thank you for being here.

  
  -Mebenji