Pondering

thorn

Brick created on 10/02/2008 @ 18:30

Your brick story

I found a new thinking spot in WoW last night. It is pretty and has the soothing sound of water. I finally remembered this talkabout http://www.bigwhitewall.com/talkabouts/thread/414/ and WoW really is like a holodeck for me. I sat here all night and watched flowers float down the ramp and spin by in front of me. A rabbit came shortly after daybreak and started playing in the fountain. ___ I needed somewhere to think. There is so much going through my mind right now. ___ He finally realized I was unhappy last night. He says my voice is different when I talk to him. He doesn't realize his tone is different now too. I didn't realize it myself until he was leaving last night. I made a small protest noise, I didn't even realize I had made it, I don't remember it, but he heard. He heard and he changed. Everything about him softened. And his voice, it was the tone that made me feel cherished. In that moment he went from the stranger he has become back into being my love. ___ I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I wanted to pour all my hurt and confusion out to him and let him comfort me and I couldn't. ___ I need to make some decisions

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Comments

11/02/2008 @ 10:14 roze said

What is going on here thorn - which of your loves is this?
14/02/2008 @ 01:48 thorn said

It's my married love. I am gathering my courage to tell him how I feel. How much I'm hurting. I'll do it once I can without getting too emotional.
14/02/2008 @ 14:45 roze said

Ooh - i thought he had moved out of your life? Are you ok?
14/02/2008 @ 23:06 thorn said

No. We are co-chairs on a committee together and we also belong to a social group of which I'm the president and he is one of the officers. That's why this is so hard. I still talk to him almost daily. Only now it's all about business. I don't want to jeopardize our accomplishments, so I'm being very careful. The sad part is that we have been working together towards the same goals for so long that we are seen as one entity at times. Which was OK when we were together, but now - not so much.
15/02/2008 @ 06:38 roze said

That is really difficult thorn - you are on the same wavelength completely and yet he no longer seeks intimacy with you and you are together almost daily. Any way of you taking some space - getting away for a while?
15/02/2008 @ 06:56 thorn said

It would be easier for him to take a leave of absence than it would be for me. Well, easier may not be the correct word. It would be better. When I am out of contact for an extended period of time people start to worry about my health.
15/02/2008 @ 09:29 roze said

But it does not sound as if he is going to do that?