Comments

• 09/03/2008 @ 11:25 roze said

  

  Hello Marya - welcome. Is this still going on? Sometimes we all tell lies to make ourselves seem more fascinating - thing is that you are probably fascinating enough without making it up. How are you going to get through this? Hugs roze

• 10/03/2008 @ 10:19 Marya said

  

  Hi Roze

  I was feeling distraught when I wrote that and it was cathartic to imagine myself in a secret confessional and being forgiven.

  No, it was not about making myself more fascinating, I don't think.

  It was a way of making things seem simpler and more possible, less complicated, less difficult.

  And I think as a child I learned to pick up what others wanted from me and it has alwys been hard not to provide that in some form. The illusion of falling in love is full of meeting spoken and unspoken needs.

  Now he and I are trying to be friends, going gently and cautiously. I am not rushing into all-or-nothing truth telling because I think that is not helpful. It is also not the 'bigger truth' of the situation.

  Thanks for asking, I appreciate the caring.

• 10/03/2008 @ 10:50 roze said

  

  I care very much. It is cathartic to 'confess' and not to have to feel guilty is even more so. It sounds like things are moving along with him. Do you want to talk about the 'bigger truth' of the situation? love roze

• 10/03/2008 @ 15:49 Marya said

  

  Letting go of the need to lie and finding if there is enough safety and trust for deeper trusthfulness on both our parts -- that might be the bigger picture.

  I find it so hard to resist the 'scripts' of romantic love -- but the reality is that as we get older, we are not going to play certain roles and once the fog of sexual infauation lifts, there are many incompatibilities to be faced.

  I knew I was not a very marriageeable woman at the start -- did not want to marry, preferred friendship to love affairs. Now I find that he is more conventional that I suspected and does want that script. It is not going to be easy. I do love him very much.

  Enough about me for now. I wil chat more to you on Talkabout.

• 10/03/2008 @ 17:04 roze said

  

  I am a hopeless romantic when it comes to love - and yes all relationships that are longer term do need working through. Some people need the security of script and some are comfortable to live without it. I feel it is all about our own safety levels and what has happened to us in previous relationships. Thank you for sharing with me.