As a small child I really hated balloons. The loud bang would scare me and knowing it would happen was just too much. And the boy next door just loved to burst balloons and he was 3 years younger than I was and I couldn't understand why he found something fun that I found so awful.

To this day, a balloon on the floor should be pierced near the neck so it deflates with out a bang - oh and I guess I am less likely to be scared about them - they just make me feel uncomfortable - except when we are playing indoor volley ball over the couch and laugh so much at how hard it can be to hit something that moves so slowly through the air.

There is so much going on inside me right now that I am so conscious of feeling like I am over inflated - too full and too much is happening - I can't sleep - when was the last time I got more than 4 hours sleep at night? I am not worried about not sleeping but it isn't as much fun as playing balloon volley ball. I am not sleeping because everything in my head keeps popping into my brain and waking me up - sometimes in dreams and nightmares and sometimes just makes me lurch in my sleep.

Now I know that I need to find the way to release this pressure gently - I don't want to burst - I just don't know what to do with my own sense of the balloon.